For those of you just joining us I am Grendil Cobblestones and I wish I had a desk job...
I am reporting live outside the estate of Mr. E Hat, owner of the Daily Hat as well as this very network, who is being of accused of eccentrics beyond the acceptable standard limitations, or ASL, set in the early 90's. Mere moments ago the police managed to turn off the estates sprinkler system which had been activated in a deranged attempt to get the growing masses off Mr. Hat's lawn.
It is confirmed that he has been detained at this time. They are bringing him out of the house now... he's yelling something about "cranapples"?
I'm being told he will be transfered to E Hat's House for Hatters...a Correctional institute... owned and operated by Mr. Hat himself...
The Daily Hat, on request of co-owner Mrs. Hat, will be printing a special edition of the paper once Mr. Hat has settled.
I myself... just hope I still get paid.
This is Grendil Cobblestones with Channel E News.
