Had to tear into one of my friends yesterday

I've been kind of withdrawn and reserved with people lately because I've been going through some stuff and one of my friends had the audacity to give me a hard time about it because basically she felt like I wasn't paying attention to her.

She had a problem with her kid's dad earlier this week so she was in a shitty mood. This is something that happens with her from time to time and when it does I usually don't talk to her because 1) She has a shitty attitude and 2) I get sick of hearing people's problems when it's something that's repeated and can be avoided.

She sends me an IM on Saturday night (after I log off mind you) saying crap like "I thought we were friends" and "I guess I won't tell you stuff about my life" and stuff like that.

I get the message the next day, stare at it for a while then decide not to respond. She hits me up later asking if I got the message and did I have a response. I told her I'd rather discuss such matters in person or at least on the phone.

So she calls me and I proceed to deliver the most polite verbal beatdown ever.

Bottom line was I told her that it was an insult to question our friendship and that by deciding to not be so open with me will only damage it and if that's something she wants to do she should be prepared for the dynamic of our friendship to change drastically

Do you guys think I was too harsh?

/blogeasy

Kinda shitty of her. Maybe leave the beatdown aside and just tell her that you didn't appreciate it. But you already proceeded with the beatdown. =)

Sometimes people need to be shown that they are being shitty or else they will keep being shitty.

Honestly when I don't hear from someone I know for a while I call to make sure everything is okay. Not call and say "Hey! Why the fuck haven't you called?"

Sounds like a wife, they expect you to be available and have a 6th sense about when something is wrong, and then berate you for having your own life and issues, and not feel for them even when they are wrong.

Nope, probably how I would have responded myself.

I don't think you were too harsh at all, sometimes people need to hear that kind of stuff.

The beatdown came because she told me that over messenger instead of calling me.

I'm not a fan of making such statements via IM, email or text messaging.

As I told her on the phone I think it's punk shit.

At the end of the day the message didn't bother me so much, it's how the message was communicated.

TheJungle77 wrote:Sounds like a wife, they expect you to be available and have a 6th sense about when something is wrong, and then berate you for having your own life and issues, and not feel for them even when they are wrong.

Exactly dude.

Thanks for the feedback guys. I didn't think I was too harsh at all, I was actually pretty tame compared to how I would have responded a few years ago.

I've mellowed a lot but some things will still generate that fury.

Well it sounds like a lot of the woman I have dealt with before. I have run into similat situations and to be hnest I have drifted away from some of my friends because they "do the same stupid shit over and over" and they wonder why they are having these prioblems and look to blame others or just want to whine and cry about it. My issue is at this point in my life I have my own problems and I don;t have the time to always offer the same advice over and over. My simple answer is I don;t have time for stupidy or drama in my life right now.

I don't think you where tot harsh but I would also be prepared to loose this freind because I get the feeling she is not going to change and will take it personally that your not adjustinmg to he needs or time tables.

WOW I typed that and in the mean time there where 7 responses. I got left in the dust.

Personally, my mind set is "if I gave you my phone number, you better call me."

I hate how some people would press to discuss important matters over the text/e-mail/IM (though I do not use IM).

I do not give out my phone number often, and many of my friends know this. But some still try to converse with me over a textual manner...

DRGN LRD 1213 wrote:Well it sounds like a lot of the woman I have dealt with before. I have run into similat situations and to be hnest I have drifted away from some of my friends because they "do the same stupid shit over and over" and they wonder why they are having these prioblems and look to blame others or just want to whine and cry about it. My issue is at this point in my life I have my own problems and I don;t have the time to always offer the same advice over and over. My simple answer is I don;t have time for stupidy or drama in my life right now.

I don't think you where tot harsh but I would also be prepared to loose this freind because I get the feeling she is not going to change and will take it personally that your not adjustinmg to he needs or time tables.

You hit the nail on the head and I told her that pretty much word for word. Instead of taking my advice she'd rather just not tell me stuff and stay in the same miserable situations and if so that's on her.

As far as losing her as a friend I have so little faith in friends these days (I have less than 10 people that I can truly call friends these days), that to be honest I really wouldn't give a ****.

textual manner>...... Sounds kinda kinky there stormy. HAHA

I hate talking on the phone! Call me or email me and lets meet over a beer or coffee. I HATE PHONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DRGN LRD 1213 wrote:WOW I typed that and in the mean time there where 7 responses. I got left in the dust.

My life is a hot topic.

Follow up with something nice, D. Show her it's all good. I guess I'm much softer on women.

Well, as long as you were probably really polite, it was probably the right thing to do. Sometimes all people need is some critiquing to help them realize what they've been saying and help them get back on track.

StormEye wrote:Personally, my mind set is "if I gave you my phone number, you better call me."

I hate how some people would press to discuss important matters over the text/e-mail/IM (though I do not use IM).

I do not give out my phone number often, and many of my friends know this. But some still try to converse with me over a textual manner...

Me too, so much can be misconstrued with text based communication. I've had a ton of misunderstandings due to this.

Speaking of hot topics

Murtaugh wrote:

StormEye wrote:Personally, my mind set is "if I gave you my phone number, you better call me."

I hate how some people would press to discuss important matters over the text/e-mail/IM (though I do not use IM).

I do not give out my phone number often, and many of my friends know this. But some still try to converse with me over a textual manner...

Me too, so much can be misconstrued with text based communication. I've had a ton of misunderstandings due to this.

Precisely

Riggs wrote:Follow up with something nice, D. Show her it's all good. I guess I'm much softer on women.

Not sure if I can do that. I view what she did as an attack on my character so naw, that won't be happening.

D sounds like me. Maybe I've become a grumpy old man too early but I have stopped hanging out with a lot of my old friends for various reasons. THe biggest is that I;ve changed, getting married, and having kids has changed me in many ways over the past 10 years. If I have some free time away from my typical duties I want to have fun . So in saying this I have become more selective with whom I spend my time with. I would say that there is about half a dozen people that I would call my friend and call to hang out with at this point.

Murtaugh wrote:

Riggs wrote:Follow up with something nice, D. Show her it's all good. I guess I'm much softer on women.

Not sure if I can do that. I view what she did as an attack on my character so naw, that won't be happening.

So you're ending the friendship? Obviously this is a bigger issue than I'm grasping, but if someone treats me poorly that I care for, I'd rather fix the problem than get rid of it.

If she's more of a problem than a friend than I think you did the right thing.

Sweet Jesus you people are typing faster than me this afternoon! Plus I have work to do =o( I can't keep up with all the topics!

Riggs wrote:

Murtaugh wrote:

Riggs wrote:Follow up with something nice, D. Show her it's all good. I guess I'm much softer on women.

Not sure if I can do that. I view what she did as an attack on my character so naw, that won't be happening.

So you're ending the friendship? Obviously this is a bigger issue than I'm grasping, but if someone treats me poorly that I care for, I'd rather fix the problem than get rid of it.

If she's more of a problem than a friend than I think you did the right thing.

I'm still cool with her, but I'm dialing the friendship waayyyy back.

Understood.

DRGN LRD 1213 wrote:D sounds like me. Maybe I've become a grumpy old man too early but I have stopped hanging out with a lot of my old friends for various reasons. THe biggest is that I;ve changed, getting married, and having kids has changed me in many ways over the past 10 years. If I have some free time away from my typical duties I want to have fun . So in saying this I have become more selective with whom I spend my time with. I would say that there is about half a dozen people that I would call my friend and call to hang out with at this point.

Reading my mind?

Yeah I went through a massive RL friends list purge about 8-9 years ago.

Most of the people in my life at that time weren't really my friends. I'd known most of them for about 10 years or so and I've known this girl for about 10 years also.

I have another friend that I've known for about 15 years and we've drifted apart so maybe my friendships have an expiration date lol.

Jungle, HAHA! Weird your 33, from Cincy as well. Maybe we are brothers and don;t know it. Maybe the mailman is our father! HAHA

Well maybe. It depends I have one friend he lives in Kansas City now and we are still close. We just don;t get tohang out much HAHA. THe thing is we all change as we grow older so we will drift apart and find new friends as time goes by. I remember there where some guys in high school and we thought we would always be friends but I don;t talk to ANYONE from hight school anymore. Times a change.

Plus I'm a grumpy old man haha.

DRGN LRD 1213 wrote:Well maybe. It depends I have one friend he lives in Kansas City now and we are still close. We just don;t get tohang out much HAHA. THe thing is we all change as we grow older so we will drift apart and find new friends as time goes by. I remember there where some guys in high school and we thought we would always be friends but I don;t talk to ANYONE from hight school anymore. Times a change.

Plus I'm a grumpy old man haha.

Same here man.

As expected our friendship is pretty much non-existent now.

Ah, truth hurts sometimes lol.

Sorry to hear :[

Sucks, but maybe it's for the better.

Eh, whatever. Sometimes folks can't handle the truth.

When the kid gloves come off friendships usually end.

kid gloves are itchy anyway.

Sounds like she just wants some sympathy or something. By not giving her attention when she complains about her life, you're doing her a favor (psychologically).
Maybe she'll come to her senses eventually.

Sucks, though.
My best friends from high school drifted apart from one another. My one friend who I still kept in contact with and hung out with eventually became too much for me to deal with. Guy just keeps making all the worst decisions. He's an intelligent guy, and I know it, so I can't stand watching him ruin his interpersonal relationships and squandering his potential.

THis is true D.


Almost two years ago one of my best friends came into town on the same weekend as one of my wife's best friends. Hung out in the back yard around the fire pit drinking and smoking cigars and had a great time. I could tell he was attracted to her and whatever they are both single I don;t give a shit. Sunday they both leave life is great had a great weekend.

He calls me on Monday and wants her phone number and says they had a great time with each other. I aked well why the hell didn't you get her number? I don;t even remember what he said. Well I told him I didn;t know it I'll ask my wife. Wife calls her up to make sure it's cool to give out her digits but she wasn;t interested in talking to him at all.

Tell my buddy that she is going through some shit and not interested in seeing anybody right now. He flips out on me.

Two days later another friend of mine calls and asks whats up because my buddy that wanted the phone number is telling everyone I used to hang out with before I got married what an asshole I am and how I am keeping him and the girl apart. He even said she called him crying because I didn't want them to see each other.

I'm like WTF??? Dude turened crazy over some chic he dosn;t know and who dosn;t want to know him.

We used to be best friends and now I havn't talked to him since them.

I guess I should be sad but I'm more like fuck it. I don;t have time for his Crazy drama and if he is going to act like that then o well.

Whoa, that's some crazy shit right there.

O yea. Lot's more to the story but I don;t have an hour to type it all out.

He actually involved my wife in his rants as well and actually if I see him I told a few people I was going to curb stomp him.

Aw damn. Yeah that's crossing the line right there he deserves a beatdown for that for sure.

I remember I was messing with this girl that I went to high school with. This was a few years after HS and I guess at some point she went kind of crazy and we were arguing over the phone and she was yelling at me and she was like "**** your son!!" out of nowhere.

I swore to deliver a beatdown if I ever saw her again. Of course I wouldn't do it now (this was years ago) but it just goes to show the crazy stuff that crazy people say.

Yea if you involve my wife of kids in something my

demeanor changes in a heartbeat. I’m pretty chill for the most part and if you make fun of me I laugh with the rest of ya. You threaten me, well whatever fuck off. You threaten or harass my family I will get in your face and if necessary I will deliver a beat down!

Exactly!