I think I.....I think I need to take a break.

yeah. soap, dude, dont drink to get drunk.

drink to relax with friends and have a good time. drink to relax after a tough day. but dont just drink because drink is there. not only will you feel like shit, but you will end up damaging your relationships since you'll be drunk all the time.

I drink for the taste too, but some of the best tasting beers are 10%+ ABV so getting drunk is required to experience the flavor.

Rogue is some good stuff though. I don't think we get the donut stuff here.

I do like getting drunk though every once in awhile

But it takes me 12 + beers to actually get drink sooooo it doesnt happen often

So checking back in. 

This week has kinda sucked. I finally realized that my friend basically fucked my life up since it was his damn fault my arm is fucked up.  So I have begun phasing him out of my life since he doesn't care at all. And other shit. Sucks cause hes been my friend since I was 4, and I dont have many. But this week I just finally realized how much of a bad friend he truly is. Good guy, awful friend. So thats depressing. 

then finally started to accept the fact my arm may never fully recover, meaning I cant do half the shit I wanted to do in my life. I mean, I still dont kn ow what I want to do with my life. But all I have ever been good at is physical labor, and its what I enjoyed for the most part. Fuck that, I doubt I will ever be as efficient at it again Which means its now far more difficult to find a job I will be good at or enjoy. 

I can't even do shit I wanted to do, all beause of my arm. 
I have dreamed of going skydiving for the past few years, for my 21st. I can't do that now. As everywhere I have looked it says they won't allow you to jump if you have had any major neck, back or shoulder injuries/surgeries in the past 1-3 years. 

And I have always thought about joining the Sherrif's department. Well planned on giving that a shot in Jan after I turn 21. Thats out because of the arm. They wouldn't even give me a second glance at my application if I made one because of my arm. 
And loads of other crap. 

Plus everything with Dani. I don't know, I have given up, just hurts still. This has been the worst fucking year of my life, and I am tired of dealing with it alone. Hell, I am tired of dealing with it period. I have begun to consider thereapy or counceling as I have had thoughts of suicide again. 
I haven't been sleeping well at all, in fact I think I have gotten a grand totoal of 7 hours this wholle week. 

I hav en't drunk or gotten drunk in 8 days. Mostly because knowing my family history of being easily addicted, I didn't think drinking in my mental state was a god idea. Plus I also only have half a bottle of Whiskey left, figured I should save it for when I REALLY need it. 

Other then that, life sucks. I spend most of my time in bed doing nothing. And the rest attending Physical Therapy classes. I play a lot of video games, only to pass the time. I don't actually enjoy it or anything. Just passes the time, makes me forget about hthe pain in my arm. 

Other than that, I just figured I would drop in and say hi. Don't know when I will come back to posting reguarly again.

Also, on a bright side, I am getting my first tattoo next Sunday. I know a girl who is an apprentice so she can't charge, but can accept tips. So I am getting the Devil's Tuning Fork, or the Judas Priest cross, on my right rear shoulder. Still trying to figure out if I want to do anything else with it before I get it done, but I settled on the cross. 

So thats one of the few bright things in my life at the moment.

if you wanna talk soap I'm here for you,I know and feel alot of the shit you're going through, that's how I feel too, I just play videogames to kill time pretty much anymore, idk feels like a shell of its former self.

it's good you realized the girl wasn't worth a damn though,and sounds like the guy friend wasn't either

Why would you arm be ruined forever?

My injury was about 3 times worse than yours, and after surgery and PT its sorta back to normal

Stay positive.

If it's just torn ligaments, depending on how bad it is, they will either recommend physical therapy or surgery. Since you're young enough yet, it will most likely be some PT. Once it's healed, you will be fine.

Somehow I missed what happened to your arm.

Sounds rough man, sorry you're down and I hope it starts to turn up for you.

physical theraby did wonders for my shoulder injury..still said i may need injury later in life...

And nothing wring with talking to someone about life shit. I was incredibly depressed for a few months... but i talked with someone close to me and it kind of lifted ... and since my mind has been busy ... I have learned to just not give a fuck about those thoughts anymore... It easy...hell it was a scary time for me.

I have full confidence things will get better.